Essay, part 2

Thus began the great job search of 2008-2009. Of course, I had no idea what positions I was going to apply for. The best bet seemed to involve the fact that as a returned Peace Corps volunteer I had what is known as non-competitive eligibility, which essentially means that if a government agency so desires they can hire you without the trouble of going through a job search so long as you meet the minimum qualifications for the position. The advantage to the agency is that a federal job search is, well, a federal issue, and oftentimes the ability to avoid the mounds of paperwork and man hours involved is enough of an incentive to get someone with non-competitive eligibility hired. With this in mind, I turned to the website usajobs.gov, the site where jobs with the federal government are posted, and soon found myself applying for positions such as Intelligent Research Specialist with the Department of Homeland Security, a Writer/Editor with the Veterans Health Administration, Management and Program Analyst with the Department of Education.

Applying for government jobs is both mind numbing and time consuming. Each application requires you to answer between half dozen and a dozen essay questions requiring a couple of pages each on how you fit the exact qualifications for that specific job. As a result, few of the replies can be used in more than one job search. To make a long, sad story a short, sad story, I spent hundreds of hours filling out dozens of applications to receive a grand total of one (unsuccessful) interview. I knew I had hit bottom when I applied to be an Education Advisor in Iraq. I had more success with my other plan, which involved applying to graduate schools in social work. Here, I had managed to get myself accepted to three, including one in the state that offered the opportunity to pursue the degree while I was teaching. By then the spring semester had ended and I was no nearer to a decision than I was when the school year had started

So I decided to leave town for the summer and travel to Asia, not because I thought it would help me make a decision but because, well, I’m not really sure why I took this trip. In any case, before I knew it the trip was behind me and summer was drawing to a close. Time was running out. Not only was there my self-imposed deadline to make a choice before the next school year started. I had also provided a drop dead date to my university when I would let them know whether I would be returning for the fall. Desperate, I drew up pro and con lists, talked with friends, and even consulted the on line I Ching. I seemed in an impossible position. Common sense argued that I could not simply throw a career away. But that voice inside screamed out that I could not under any circumstances walk into another classroom.


As I reflect back, I know one factor that weighed heavily on me was the knowledge in my heart that the only reason I was staying was out of fear. I was afraid what would happen if I left academia: afraid of the loss of status, afraid of the loss of income, afraid of the loss of health insurance. As I meditated on this one undeniable reality, I concluded that I did not want my life to be ruled by fear. Now, granted, some fears are healthy fears. All I can say is that this fear did not feel like a healthy one.