Indecision 2009

I have been paralyzed all day, first at starbucks and now at barnes and noble. No idea what decision to make. The ball is in my court. Given the fact that the Dean has rejected my condition to keep my on line class, I could reasonably call things off. But the offer is on the table, and I am going to have to shit or get off the pot soon. I feel pulled in both directions. On the one hand, I just want to stick it to the dean and all those who want me out. It would bug the hell out of them if I stck around. SO I was thinking I could stick around for three years, take the legitimate sabbatical, and not come back after that. Three years. Could I live here that long and respect myself. It would be easy and comfortable. But there is something that started me out on this quitting thing. It's about turning fifty and needing to go in another direction. It's about a novel I wrote twenty years ago that shows eerie signs of becomeing true. It's about having the courage to set out in a new direction. The biggest stumbling block I see is health insurance. I almost want to wait to see if the health insurance thing gets settled before making the move because I am at the age where things start breaking down after so long with nothing going wrong now would be the time to get my payback from the insurance company.Sure, I have two and a half years of insurance ahead of me, but after that, what are the odds of my finding insurance. This certainly weighs on my mind. Which is why, as I say, I have been paralyzed all day, just sitting in front of ths computer screen accomplishing nothing. I am frozen