The task that lies ahead

It looks like after a couple of weeks of delay I will finally be able to get out of here for a week to the Shambhala Mountain Center. The plan, recall, was to be there for three weeks, and it was a pretty good plan, I think. But circumstances intervened. Not everything is complete at this time. There are a couple of more vaccines and one more medical test to do for Peace Corps clearance. But the process is mostly finished. Same with the book, the other thing that delayed me here. I did the work I needed to do on that and probably could have done more but shipped off a final version of the manuscript to the editor and now it is time for a break. Both these matters--Peace Corps and the book--are out of my hands now. That is, the Peace Corps program has not been finally approved by the Indonesian government, though I've been told its ninety percent certain it will go. Because it starts so soon, they have had us do the medical clearance before the program is formally approved, which is unusual. And I won't know whether the book will get accepted until October. So all in all, it's a good time for a break. Maybe there I can get some clarity on the situation. In any case, it will be good to be away from distractions for a week. Not even bringing my internet up there, nor cell phone, wouldn't matter because there is no reception.

The focus on these two matters--the Peace Corps and the book--have kept my mind off of the larger picture of what the hell I am going to do with my life. It is only now with the Peace Corps paper work and the manuscript behind me that the question begins to re-emerge, and at least for tonight I am not ready to deal with it. I've been searching for a quote I remembe and wrote down once from Jude the Obscure, and it is not a happy quote so maybe it is a good thing I can't find it. The gist of the quote was the author commenting on how it was theoretically possible for the protagonist, who has suffered a series of defeats, to make a comeback, even though he is no longer young. But while there is nothing theoretically to stand in his way and it is logically possible for him to achieve an even higher state than the one he had fallen from, the fact is, life saps our energies and what is theoretically possible becomes in practice unrealizable. The novel does not end well. I will find the quote and post it, because it is quite well worded and a warning to keep in mind about not underestimating the task that lies ahead