Now What: Ex 1

Put pen to paper and take a journey from the past to the present. Start from teh beginning and document your life. Use bullet points instead of writing prose...Include significant accomplishmetns from as far back as you remember, and also jobs and roles you filled thourhout your life. Include loves, hobies and epereinces that formed you: moving, divorces, births, job changes, challenges, milestones, acheivments. WHen you are don, read a=it throuhg and abosrb each stage and start looking for clues.

Now that I think of it

Now that I think of it, it might have been an interesting use of that month in the cabin to buy a bunch of self-help books and pore over them and write something up about it.Could have been a good use of that month. As it were, it seems right now to have been a waste.

Now What

"I have seen time and again that there is a surprise disappointment indoing nothing and being needed nowhere. I find this especially grue for men, who often crete their whole identities around work. If they find themslves without being needed by a workplacc, they can feel very disorinted and often worhtless."'

"Saying good-bye to the package will be harder than taking stock of your net gain from your experience. The reason for this is that we have culutually learned to atach more value, and inherently our self-worth, to the package than we have to the growht that came with it. This is why we get so much oppostion from the people in our life when we decide to move away from something that seems to be working well for the people who are watching our lvies--for example, giving up what looks like a successful career that is in reality making you miserable."

-from "Now what: 90 days to a new life direction"

Reading Lyotard

So while I am at Borders I am also reading and taking notes for the Postmodernism course I am supposed to teach in the fall. Currently I am reading Lyotard's The Postmodern Condition. ON the one hand, I do find all this stuff sort of fascinating because it is all new to me. As someone trained in the anlaytic tradition, I have dismissed most of this postmodernism stuff. But it is actually pretty interesting. On the other hand, I do have this "doctor, my brain hurts" feeling and right now really feel as if this is not the time to be engaging the analytical part of my brain.

Stuck in Unstuck

In Borders reading self-help books again. At random I pick up a book, Unstuck, which is supposed to be "Your Guide to the Seven Stage Journey out of Depression." But it seems pretty worthless. I turn to the chapter called "Surrend to Change" which starts in a promising manner. It promises to demonstrate how "letting go of control can actually move you forward in your journey. I think, sure, this sounds right. In a sense I have been trying to control things by trying to come up with a plan, even though up to this point I haven't been able to. But the chapter is about meditation, yoga and exercise. Which I am sure are all fine, but which I am already doing.

A Plan?

I really cannot stay in this house more than one more week. That's it. Really. So what are my options:

1/15-1/18 (Phoenix)

1/19-until I get galleys (Baja)

Galley Day +3-Feb 17 (Tucson)

2/17-2/22 (chicago)

2/22-4/22: (Japan/Thailand)

5/10-5/24: (Hawaii)

And after Baja

And after Baja, things get even more vague if that is possible. Maybe go to Chicago in mid-February for a ski trip, then to Thailand for a couple of months and return in late April before the book comes out. Then there are a couple of conferences I could promote my book at. Finally, there is a couple month driving around America tour I have planned.