Frontline's Close to Home

Just finished watching an amazing Frontline episode. Titled "Close to Home," it takes place in a hair salon on the East Side of Manhattan, where you hear the hard luck stories of client after client. Most of the people featured had good paying jobs at some point, but many have lost their jobs and even many of those who still have jobs have fallen on hard times. Probably the most poignant is Rob, who a year after losing his job as a high paid human resource executive still gets tears in his eyes as he tells the story of the day he was fired. A good chunk of the show follows his truly Sisyphean struggle to find a job, as we are taken to a series of networking sessions, job interview classes and his explanation of his never ending struggle. At the end we are told 18 months after losing his job, he is still unemployed. The owner herself is in danger of losing the salon, while her sister in Florida, who has come up to help, is about to lose her house in Florida. The sister has had to take in four borders, and they all have a hard luck story. One of the guys, now in his fifties, used to be a dancer with the Florida Ballet, and was lost his house two days after his wife died. Anyone contemplating leaving a job should watch http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/closetohome/?utm_campaign=homepage&utm_medium=proglist&utm_source=proglist


Hell, if I had watched I might not have quit my job. I mean, I'm glad I did because I know it was the right thing to do. But in all honesty, I might have hung on if I had viewed this earlier. It's that powerful. Of course, maybe it has a special impact because now I am in that position whereas before I could only theoretically conceive of it. In any case, these people are all working much harder at finding a job then I know I am capable of. And the thing is, none of them had found any work. These are all people around my age or a little older and their prospects are not good. It was sobering, depressing.

It certainly makes my upcoming trip to New Zealand seem frivolous and wasteful. But preparations are made. So I tell myself this is a gift to myself to prepare me for the harsh reality that will confront me when I return.

Lonely Planet Thorntree

So to divert myself I have been planning this New Zealand trip. Here are a couple of posts I put on Lonely Planet Thorntree. I've posted the links if you want to read the responses. So much more interesting to do this sort of stuff than to think about one's future

Arrival/departure enigmaHere's a question I haven't seen answered after reading these message boards for a couple of hours. Most flights into New Zealand are into Auckland. But most people seem to want to spend most of the time on the South Island. I am just curious how others deal with the situation. Do you (a) circle back to Auckland at the end, (b) buy a one way ticket from Christchurch to Auckland, (c) fly into Auckland and out of Christchurch? (C) would seem ideal, but after extensive checking seems more expensive than (b). I am planning on five weeks in New Zealand and would like to do one week in North and four in South and would appreciate suggestions on how to handle the arrival/departue city enigma. Much thanks.
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/thorntree/thread.jspa?threadID=1832847&tstart=30

Thanks all for your previous advice on departure/arrival possibilities. I've decided to fly into Christchurch and out of Auckland. I am planning on renting a car for the first two weeks on the South Island, and here is the itinerary I've come up with. This looks good to me on paper, but as I've no experience on the ground any suggestions would be appreciated. I am especially looking for substantial day hikes to do in the second part of the trip11/10 (T) Arrive Christchurch11/11 (W)Drive to Blenheim w/stop in Kaikoura (316 km/196 m). Nite in Blenheim11/12 (TH)Blenheim to Nelson (113 km/70m).Camp in Totaranui campground11/13 (F) Do hike in Abel Tasmen : Night in campground11/14 (S) Nelson to Karamea (330km/205 m) night in Karamea11/15: (S): Hike 5 hr on Heaphy Track. Night at Heaphy Hut 11/16 (M) Hike out of Heaphy Track; drive to Greymouth (329km/205 mi)11/17 (T) Greymouth to Fox Glacier (203 km/126 mi) Camp near Fox Glacier11/18 (W) Hike Alex Knob Track. Camp Fox Glacier11/19 (TH): Fox Glacier to Wanaka (262 km/163 m). Night in Wanaka11/20: (F) Explore Wanaka11/21: (S) Wanaka to Te Anu (230 km/143 mi). Night in Te Anu11/22: (S) Drive to Milford Sound . Night in Te Anu11/23: (M) Te Anu to Oamaru (413 km/257 m).11/24: (T) Oamaru to Christchurch (248km/154m)/
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/thorntree/thread.jspa?threadID=1836963&tstart=0

And a night comes

Re-reading Tropic of Cancer when I came across this line: "And a night comes when all is over, when so many jaws have closed upon us that we no longer have the strength to stand, and our meat hangs upon our bodies, as though it had been masticated by every mouth."

Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo

The Statler Brthers song, which I hadn't thoght of for years if not decades, lept to my mind for some unknown reason (ha). Thank God there's you tube

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s8nRL2bPCU&feature=related

I keep hearing you're concerned about my happiness.
All that thought you're giving me is conscience, I guess.
If I were walking in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none.
While you and your friends are worrying 'bout me, I'm having lots of fun.

Counting flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town.
As long as I can dream, it's hard to slow this swinger down.
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doing fine.
You can always find me here, having quite a time.

Counting flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.

Well, it's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright.
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light.
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete.
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete.

Counting flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, counting flowers on the wall,That don't bother me at all.
Playing Solitaire till dawn,With a deck of fifty-one.
Smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo.
Now, don't tell me I've nothing to do.Don't tell me I've nothing to do.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1s8nRL2bPCU&feature=related

The Hamster Wheel

In some sense, although it has created an existential setback insofar as it has left me temporarily without a sense of purpose, I do think the Peace Corps stint being cancelled is on balance a good thing. At least it offers the opportunity for me to get off the the hamster wheel, it feels I have been on, well, since college.

The hamster wheel certainly describes my sense of academia: the same tasks semester after semester, a perverted version of eternal recurrence. To be sure, there were some good things about the wheel. It gave me a sense of purpose and structured my days. And there were certainly times off: summers, winter breaks and sabbaticals. But I was usually involved in some project during those periods, i.e., still on the wheel. And even when I took time away, it was always justified in my mind because of the time I had been on the wheel and deserved a break and the time I would return to the wheel and so needed to rest up for. So the wheel became my reality.

And now I find myself recreating the hamster wheel as I now more or less invent tasks: revise the book, study Chinese, practice classical guitar. But at some point, I would like to give myself a long stretch with nothing to do. Going to the Buddhist meditation center would probably be a good thing--a month long Dathun is probaably what is called for--but I don't see that in my immediate future.

One of the plans I considered before quitting was going to graduate school in Social Work. It was a weekend MSW program in Denver which I was actually quite excited about, and the way my schedule worked I could have pulled it off the first year and then gotten this terminal sabbatical the second year. And I would be lying if I didn't say there have been more than I few moments when I wished I had taken that option. But again, as with the Peace Corps, I am more often greatful I did not. It would have been a continuation of the wheel, indeed, running two wheels at once. I need to get off the wheel, and though physically I have stepped off of it, mentally I am still running the wheel.

This is all much easier said than done.The question is what to do once you are off the wheel, and the response at one level is that if you are doing something you are not really off the wheel. Maybe there is no getting off the wheel. On the other hand, the Tao Te Ching tells us, do nothing and nothing will not be done. This at least sounds like it is possible to get off the wheel. The TTC also reminds us that dirty water left to settle becomes clear.

Parachute Colors

So I recently picked up the classic job hunting guide "What Color is Your Parachute" and am currently working myway through some of its exercises. I am not sure how much value it is in the actual process of job hunting, but some of its exercises I think can increase self-awarness, which may actually end up helping in the process more than any practical advice (although there is plenty of practical advice in the book).


In any case, one of the first exercises involves answering the question "Who Am I?" with then words that you then flesh out a bit. This was not as easy as I thought, and turned out to be more interesting than I had initially believed. Here are my answers with corresponding comments:


1. Writer
--Always felt this was the one thing I had some sort of talent in and one thing I would do (and continue to d0) even when I am not paid

2. Traveler
--Here, I am reminded of the scorpion and frog story. I can't help it, it's my nature. The road always seems to be calling, even though sometimes I should just hang up, or at least put it on hold.

3. Child of the Universe
--as in Desiderata. Yeah, this may sound corny, but it strikes me as trufe. I feel the universe is essentially a spiritual place and that there are larger forces working themselves out that we ought to acknowledge and can connect to.

4. Aspiring Buddhist
--The particular type of spirituality that makes the most sense to me is Buddhism, and I contintue to try to live my life in a way in accordance with this.

5. Brother/Son
--I feel a great connection to my family.

6. Runner
--Perhaps it is the fact that I have been running for more than thirty years, but I fell in love with running immediately and have never stopped enjoying the activity.This connects to something deep in me, ass well it allows me to honor the physical part of my being

7. Italian-American
--In part we are defined by our genetics and I have always appreciated my Italian-American heritage. Feel that its earthiness provides a balance to the Buddhism

8. Hopeless romantic
--Despite everything I am still looking to find someone to spend my life with and hope this occurs

9. Student
--I feel it is part of my nature to keep learning, and right now I am especially interested in learning Chinese and classical guitar

10. Lover of movies, music and literature
--The aesthetic experience is as important as the intellectual, spiritual or physical. There are certain movies and musicians and writers I can’t imagine life without.

Better Lies

I spent the morning talking on Skype to my friend Paul who is living in Japan. We are the same age, and like me he is undergoing a major life crisis, though one of a very different nature. We have known each other since high school and it is good to bounce things off him. Especially since leaving Weber, he is the only real friend I have right now, the only person I can talk to about my situation. In any case, and as always talking to him gives me hope. I almost never hang up on him without feeling better. When I think of why, it is because despite the nature of his situation, which is pretty dire, he always ends up, sometimes despite himself, being optimistic. There is always a scheme that is going to change things (the business he is tangentially attached to will take him on full time and strike it big) or some unlikely dream will be fulfilled (he will move to Hollywood and be a screenwriter). Doubtless these are highly improbable. But what is wrong with a dream, regardless of how delusional, that keeps you going? I remember way back when in graduate school I knew a starving artist, one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, who told me that we don’t need more truth, we need better lies. Exactly. And I recall when my sister was dying of pancreatic cancer, she just never accepted that fact despite its obviousness and undesirability. And so one might say she never achieved the acceptance they talk about in stages of dying. BUT SO WHAT?!! It’s not like you win a prize for going through all the five stages. So she was stuck in denial. Big deal. I would argue that she was no worse off than someone who goes through all the five stages. ..I am reminded of the scene at the end of Butch Cassidy, where Butch and Sundance are surrounded by fedarales and obviously going to be killed. After an initial round of gunfire have filled them with multiple wounds, they crawl back to regroup. It’s clear to anyone that they are going to die. But Butch starts talking about going to Austrailia after they get out of this mess, and slowly convinces Sundance of the plausibility of the scheme, and they start to make plans. And then they are gunned down in a massive volley. But you know, so what. There is something I admire about the dream of Australia. I guess I would say it caused them to face their final moment with hope rather than despair, and what more can we ask. I recall a line someone said about Whitman, that a lot of people went to their death easier because of his poetry. And so I would finish with the observation that it seems to me we are all just Butch and Sundance waiting to get slaughtered. So why not dream of Australia. So Paul and I talk into the night and contrive our implausible schemes.