Long, strange trip

At the end of the journey, one looks back and wonders what is has been about. And so I search for meanings from this most recent excursion, but I am afraid I can find none. It simply was an expenditure of time, money and energy--all three in short supply. It's like I always say: generally speaking, the trip you have is the trip you plan. This is true in life and in travel. So for me, it was just meaningless movement in space and time. I mean, if Iwas going to study Chinese, then I should have stayed in China and studied Chinese. To do so for a month was foolish, and I felt this fact every time I had to explain to someone what I was doing. If I wanted to travel, then I should have travelled, and come up with some itinerary and plan for travel. The thing is, I have no idea how much money I spent, but I know it was much, much more than I either had planned or could afford. All this could have been avoided had the Peace Corps come through on their oringal timing for the mission in Indonsia. But between that falling apart and the book publication date changing, well, things went all to hell, and I didn't adapt very well. So now I find myself returning to the States with no clue as to what my next move will be. I'm too broke to travel, I can't stay in Arizona and there is no where else for me to go. I am truly out of options.