I couldn't have said it better myself

"Not for the first time I realized that I was continuing to function--continuing, more accurately, to malfunction--while in the grips of some kind of domestic shell shock or pretraumatic stress, that I had been in the midst of an ongoing nervous breakdown without even being aware of it, that I had in fact, gone to pieces. I mean that as literally as possible. Everything had become scattered, fragmented. I couldn't concentrate. Each day was scattered intoa million pieces. A day was not made up of twenty-four hourse but of 86,400 seconds, and these did not flow into one another--did not bulid, as letters do, into words and sentences--so that, as a consequence, there was not enough time to get anything done. My days were made uo of impulses that could never become acts. Ten hours was not enough to get anything done because it really wasn't ten hours, it was just a billion bits of time, each one far too small to do anything with...There was a statmpede going on in my head except what was going on in my hedad was worse than a stampede. A stampede occurs when a mass of animals moves in one direction; mine was a stampede in which everything flew off in every direction. Chaos theory, the big bang, entropy--all this physics, this primal chemistry or whatever it was, was all going off in my head all the time. The smallest setback threw me into a blind panic. I didn't have panic attacks--I was in a state of continous panic. It wasnt that I couldn't concentrate--I was in the grips of something that was the opposite of concentration, a centrifigul force that created an irrestistible sense of dispersal."
--Geoff Dyer, Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered to Do It

Yoga for people who can't be bothered

So I managed to tear through Geoff Dyer's Yoga for People Who Can't Be Bothered To Do It on the flight over It was the only book of his available throught Kindle besides his most recent, which I'd already read: Jeff in Venice, Death in Varnasi. That book is about a forty-ish writer who is in Venice to cover a fashion show, runs from party to party, engages in a fruitless affair with a woman he knows will leave him and at the end of it all is left kind of spent and wondering; the second half is about a writer who may or may not be the writer in the first story. Tihs time he is in Varnasi, supposedly on assignment, except he does not leave and more and more transforms into a sort of Hindu ascetic. If the first part is a depiction of the fruitlessness of desire, the second is about bit by bit giving up that desire. It's an intriguing novel, and left me wanting to read more of him.

I orignally wanted to read his work about Lawrence, which is supposed to be more of a book about someone trying to write a book about Lawrence. But I had to settle for this collection of essays. I was not disappointed.

In one of the early essays, perhaps the first, the writer is living in New Orleans and at one point goes to watch trains go by and contemplates jumping aboard one. But before he can make any decision the train goes by and his chance is gone. This becomes a metaphor for all the things the writer has missed in life: the woman in the street whom he did not approach, for example. It's thje sense of the journey not going where one has planned, of things going wrong, of not much happening. I guess the reason I like to read him is that his journeys are a lot more like the journeys I have--although he seems to have a lot more sex.

He describes what travel for me is like. For example, talking about something he calls the Zone :"That is the thing about the Zone; one moment you can be in it and the next moment you are no longer in it. You are just ins ome place, wishing someting were different." Yeah, I've been there.Indeed, the more I read of him the more I am reminded of Emersons' admonition that we need to trust ourselves otherwise we end up reading words on the page that someone else has written but which express our innermost thoughts.

Japan-Day 1

In Japan, recovering from the effects of jet lag. It's around 7:30 am. I've been up since three or four but waited until it got light out to get out of bed and make some coffee. One of the reasons it took some coaxing to crawl out from under the covers is that it is damn cold here. I am staying in my friend Paul's apartment in Kowagoe--about a mile outside of Tokyo. I am sleeping on the floor on a rather thin futon, thankfully wrapped in blankets. The temperature outside feels like its in the mid-forties. Perhaps it is a tad colder inside. There is a kerosent heater in the room, but I don't really trust kerosene heaters.

I can't complain about the flight over. Yes, it was a thirteen hour flight from Atlanta. But thanks to a buddy class from my cousin Jim, I got on first class. And if you have never flown first class overseas, well, there is truly no way to describe it. It is no more like flying coach than riding a bicycle across town is like being escorted in a chauffered limo. Few things live up to their hype. But in my book, flying first class overseas is one of those things that do.

I am in tht tatami room, which is the sleeping/living room. It is the one room in the house that does not have wood floors. Instead there is a bamboo matting that serves to insulate from the chill. So I have folded up my futon and blankets, put them in the closet, and am seated on a pillow typing at the computer that is place on a table no more than one foot off the ground. I am wearing wool sweater and wool cap and my fingers are numb, as are my legs from sitting cross-legged. At least there is good coffee.

Paul has recently moved into this apartment after separating from his wife of fifteen years. It's a long story I won't go into. But a large part of the reason for coming here was to spend some time with him. He's going through a rough patch. In a period of less than a year his wife threw him out and his mother died. And he is struggling to get by. His main work consists in editing journal articles for Japanese academics who want to publish in English. It's spot work that doesn't pay all that well, and it's not exactly clear whether he is going to be able to make a go of it on his own.

Not that I can lay claim to any better prospects. Indeed, he does have an income stream, albeit an inconsistent and rather low-level one, and health insurance since this is Japan. So maybe he should have come to visit me.

Thoughts Before Leaving

Well, off in a few hours, and ever ambivalent about this trip. Hell, I remember that semester I went to Florence, I was considering just getting off the plane in New York and spending the time there. That's about how I feel about this trip in all honesty: it's something I could just as well not do. As I say, the thought of spending a semester in the classroom--and worse, a semester in Chengdu--is not something I particularly relish...In any case, I think it's a good practice not to carry around conceptions in your head. Not to feel good about the trip one minute and bad about the trip the next. All thoughts are just thoughts; dismiss them and experience whatever it is that is in front of you. I think the Buddhists got that much right...Another thought is that it is definitely not a good idea--at least for me--to leave a trip vaguely defined. I feel it parallels my current situation. You should set out with a definite idea of what you want to accomplish, on a journey and in life (which of course is a journey). Vaguely drifint around waiting for inspiration for determine your next step is no way to go through either.

If you are falling, dive

Well, I leave tomorrow (actually, since it is after midnight) I leave today. In the spirit of the Jospeh Campbell quote in the title of this post, I am trying to put the best face of this, even though I have more than my share of reservations. Now I am thinking of just spending a month in China and hitting the language really hard for a month, trekking Nepal in April and heading back to the States by early May, perhaps for the Peace Corps Indonesia. I just don't think I haveit in me right now to sit in a classroom for a semester in Chengdu.

But really this trip makes no sense. It serves no purpose except to expend energy, accomplishes nothing, simply utilizes financial and psychic resources. But in all honesty, I don't know what else to do. I've always thought with Emerson that a trip needs to be undergirded by some purpose. And I lack that for this journey. Indeed, my new motto is to go nowhere unless you are being paid to go there. And after this trip, I just might stick to that credo. Given my financial situation, I will probably have to. Talk about making a virtue out of necessity.

Let the Craziness Begin

It started yesterday morning at 9 a.m. with a text message from my cousin. It seemed the ticket to Tokyo has come through. But I had to leave Tuesday. As in this Tuesday. So I spent the rest of the day lining up flights. Here they are:

1/26: Delta/ Tucson-Altanta
1/27: Delta/ Atlanta-Tokyo
2/6: United /Tokyo-Bangkok
2/7: Air Asia/Bangkok-Chiang Mai
2/14: Bangkok Air /Chiang Mai-Samui
2/19: Bangkok Air/Samui-Phuket
2/28: Air Asia/Phuket-Kuala Lumpur
2/28: Air Asia/Kuala Lumpur-Chengdu

It is kind of dizzying. I am not sure why I do this to myself. I mean I can tell a story where it all makes sense. Been sitting in one place for so long that it is understandable that I would go crazy in this way, bopping around from point A to point B. In any case, I am exhuasted just looking at the itinerary. More later.

Pulling the trigger

Just published a bunch of posts that have been sitting in the draft pile. Some of them seemed too personal but what the hell. I will just put out there whatever is going on in my life, realizing that everything is just a snapshot of a moment. In other news, it looks like I pulled the trigger last night by making reservations into China from Phuket, where I will be meeting a friend. So I still have not finalized things with the ticket to Japan from my cousin, although he said that will happen this weekend, at which time I need to use my United miles to get to Thailand. So although all I know for certain is that I am booked on a flight into Chengdu from Phuket (via Kuala Lumpur) on Feb 28th, this in all likelihood means I will be leaving in early February, spending a week or so at my friend in Japan and then a couple of weeks in Thailand and then heading up to China, where I will probably attend classes for the spring semester.

RN1.21: Lost in the Clouds

I know I need to heed the warning not to get lost in possibilities, as Thomas Merton says. But today, I had a sudden urge to go to cooking school. I had actually vaguely considered this possibility in the past. My main interest in it is that it is something that does not involve mental labor and right now I feel I need a break from mental labor. Still, I found myself asking Merton's question: now what you are going to do but who you are going to be. That is, am I going to be somone who still devotes energy to the intellect, perhaps as an independent scholar, or someone who puts that behind him? That is the sort of question one needs to answer before going futher or making any decisions. I think of how Wittgenstein taught kindergarten and even worked as a gardener. There is that desire to lay down your weary tune. Certainly the dreams, which are often about being stuck in a high place, seem to counsel findng a way to ground myself.

Last Days of Old Beijing

I read the first page of Michael Meyer's book on Beijing--The Last Days of Old Beijing--and am blown away. It is a vivid description of an old lady in the building where he lives bringing him soup. It is the details, I guess, that are the things that stand out. One can see the woman, the neighborhood as a result of this description. Also one senses the authenticity of the experience being reported, as it is clear that this guy was seen as one of the Chinese he lived among and not an outsider. My book and experience fails on both points. My prose is lost in abstractions, bereft of specifics. And I was always an outsider, never mastered even the basics of the language. If I had the chance right now, I would burn the manuscript.

RN 12110: Lack of Imagination

It strikes me that I am not being very imaginative. I mean, this trip essentially consists of my visiting places I have already been: Tokyo, Thailand, Chengdu. In each case, there is a reason. A good friend in Tokyo, a friend in Chiang Mai. In China, I know I can trust the school and I have a good friend in town. That will make things easier should things go wrong, as they have a tendency to do. Still, not on the whole very adventurous. By contrast, I was investigating land routes from Chiang Mai to Chengdu and came across a very detailed description on how to do it. It certainly sounded adventurous. Pulling it off would be certainly not be boring. But at the end of the day, I simply realized I didn't have the stomach for it. I consoled myself by telling myself that since I would be carrying probably a couple of thousand in cash in order to pay for tuition that it made no sense to take this route. But in truth, the cash had nothing to do with it.

My two cents worth

I'm as depressed about the election as anyone. With control of the House and Sentate, the Dems need to take a page from Bluto in Animal House: "Nothing is over until we decide it is!"

If you haven't seen it in a while, here is Bluto's speech.

Where Things Stand

Something is preventing me from pulling the trigger on this trip. It is probably a number of factors: The scattered and uncertain itinerary; the expense; the lack of purpose. That'll probably do for starters. But in all honesty I don't know what else I would do if I did not go on this trip.

So what am I going to do? Probably go to Japan around Feb 3rd and visit one friend, fly down to Thailand a week later and visit another, who now might not even be there. Perhaps be met byu another friend in Ko Samui. Go to China and study for three months. And then go to Nepal for two weeks. And back to the states by mid-June. I mean, I really don't see a purpose in any of this. They say, not all who wander are lost, but that is consistent with the claim that some who wander are. That said, my cousin in all likelihood is going to come through on the buddy pass to Tokyo, and from there I will have to then use my united miles to get me down to Thailand and buy a ticket to Chengdu. But if Glen's not in Bangkok, I may just head straight to Ko Samui. Which means I should probably buy that Bangkok to Chengdu ticket soon, and probably will right after I hear from my cousin.

What was I thinking?

At this point, all my plans seem sort of silly and senseless. I come to this conclusion after reading an e-mail from a friend--a young man who was in the Peace Corps with me and who is still in China, making it a full four years. He now has his scores high enough on HSK to get into the best grad school in Chinese studies. He is a young man with a bright future in front of him, and I couldn't be happier because he is a truly decent young man. It strikes me that if I were serious about Chinese, I would have stayed over there. Granted, the place I am glad I didn't stay. But then what am I doing going over there for a semester? Does it make any sense? I can't hope for my language skills to develop in any meaningful way in the three or four months I am planning on being over there. And if they did develop, what would I do with them anyway?





But the China trip not making sense is nothing compared to the rest of the plan, which had included going to Greece for the summer and then to India, with perhaps a side trip in Concord, Massachusetts. I mean, just the other day I had convinced myself that the Concord thing was crazy and was going to reduce the trip to China-Greece-India, and now the last two stages seem just as crazy. I mean, what would I do in Greece for two months? I am accepted into the American School and maybe could find an apartment for that time--maybe--but outside of going to the library every day, there is really not a helluva lot to do. Not like with the summer session. Ah, those were the days. And don't even get me started on India. So now, with the collapse of any plan, I am completely at a loss as to what to do next. But it looks, because of the ticket my cousin is getting for me, that I will be going to China, although I have added side trips to Japan and Thailand, again for reasons I cannot now fathom, and am even supposed to meet someone in Thailand and do some travelling, spending money I don't really have to spend.

Girl from Ipanema

In order to have a routine and give myself something to do in the evening besides watching tv, I have been retreating to my bedroom for about an hour each night and work on classical guitar. Although I had been playing acoustic guitar since I was a teenager, I took up the study of classical guitar less than ten years. It was interesting because I had to learn things like reading music and working on timing, although I never got very good at either. Still, it is something I have kept at on and off over the years. If asked to rate myself, I would probably put myself at a low intermediate level which, given the pure number of years since I started learning is probably pretty pathetic but accurately reflects the amount of effort I’ve put into the activity.

When I practice, I do so not so much to make progress as to simply enter a different state of mind. I can feel when I am practicing another, nonverbal side of the brain is kicking in and the verbal side can get a rest. Since I am not very good, practice can be a slow, rather painful process as getting through even a few bars can take hours. So it is almost as if I practice out of a sense of duty more than out of love for the classical guitar: duty to be doing something constructive with my time, a sense that I ought after all these years to make progress on the instrument or at least maintain what little progress I have made. Passion or excitements are not words that come to mind when I think of how to describe my nightly ritual.

All of that changed the other night as the result of a web search. I usually practice in front of the computer screen because there is a wonderful website—learnclassicalguitar.com—that offers great free lessons. I cannot call to mind the precise reason why I decided to do a web search for “Girl from Ipanema.” I know that about ten years ago I saw classical guitarist Christopher Parkinson perform a version of this live, and it blew me away. Hoping to find a version of the song I could play, I was delighted to see a youtube video claiming to give a lesson on the song. Almost immediately I was hooked. For one, it did not look that hard to play, but the level of difficulty made in interesting and required a good deal of effort. Just coordinating the fingering patterns and chords for the first couple of bars took me the rest of the session that night. By that time I was hooked. I was working on the song not for one hour but two or three each evening, and pulling out the guitar in the morning and afternoons just to brush up.

This I thought is what passion is like. This is how you should do everything. When you approach something with this state of mind, everything changes. I’ve done this before with the classical guitar, working for hours on a Gymnopedie #1 by Satie, a piece that is levels above my ability but which I learned simply because I loved the piece. So what I am saying is that it is important to have this kind of passion in all aspects of your life. And it is this lack of passion for my academic work that played a role in my leaving the position. How to get it and how to harness it, however, remains a mystery to me. In the case of the guitar, I could not just have consciously decided that I was going to love Girl From Ipanema. I just loved that song, and without things calling you in that way, you are never going to develop the passion. And this, as I say, is an element beyond our conscious control.

So those things have to be out there and then we have to identify them, which is a whole separate process, because if they are out there and we never find them, well, it is like a lover we never meet. But unless you are out there looking, you will never meet the lover. So you have to be out there looking for things you love, and probably finding a lot of things you don’t love and playing with them anyway, both in lovers and in classical guitar music and in everything. Finally, if it is out there and you identify it, then you must act on that passion, engage it in some meaningful way.

I’m sure this all applies to my life in someway. But right now I’m too busy working on this song to figure that out.

Patti Smith Blues

Well, this isn't going to get posted either but I mighth as well write it up. Listening to Patti Smith talk about her new book, an autobiography of her early years in New York, where she moved when she was just twenty in order to become an artist and her relationship with a then also newly arrived Robert Mapplethorpe, who was also struggling to find his way into the art world, and the struggles they endured and their ultimate successess and his ultimate death. As with the Sonia Sotamayor story, here is someone finding their path in life. Listening to or reading such stories are just depressing these days. There is no other way to put it. The lesson is to find your passion early and follow it. This is precisely what I did not do, and now I must live with the consequences.



Response: Again, I hate to leave a negative thought just hanging there. There was a reason I did not pursue the path I would have listed as my passion, and that is writing, a reason I did not find that courage. And I need to take responsibility for that, as much as some of it was circumcstances beyond my control. It's right now that matters. Right now I would at least admit I took a courageous step and that what follows is up to me. It's also important to point out that not ever path is that of a steady rise. I need to broaden my definition of success. And it has to be one of being true to your own nature more than of following any pre-defined model. Melville, toiling away in obscurity, working on a poet no one will read while he spends his days in some drudgery job. And so it is all now about following that path of truth and not in looking back in regret

RN11210: Prescription for the Soul

I would like to go somewhere to write and run and grow strong. Eat well and breathe clean air. Study Chinese and classical guitar. Do yoga and meditate.



Live in a good place

Keep your mind deep

Treat others well

Stand by your word

Make fair rules

Do the right thing

Work when it's time

--Tao Te Ching, 8

Answer to Phil

I was seated at the bar with a friend of my brother, a good guy. I mean, he works for a living, and he' s heard I've quit my job. And so, after a few drinks he asks, "dude, what's your plan?" And I couldn't answer. So my goal for tonight is to come up with an answer that I could give Phil.

1. The "I am working on a book answer." This one tends to satisfy most people, even myself occasionally. I talk about a book project that involves my spending a year traveling to China, India and Greece. That is not a complete description of the project, but it is accurate enough. I say it involves examining the three great wisdom cultures of the world to see what if anything they have to say to us today. After that I am going to take about six months, write the book and then probably go back to school and get an MSW.

2. The "I am going to travel around the world" answer. I just say, I don't know man. I am just exhausted and need a break. I am just going to travel around the world until I get tired.And then I am going to come back and figure out what I am going to do.

3.The five year plan anwer. I say, for the next five years my plan on teaching one semester in China and then the rest of the year just living somewhere very simply, very cheaply and writing.
4. The Peace Corps answer. I tell him I am biding time until an upcoming Peace Corps assignment and that now I am going to travel around Asia for a while until that comes due in May or June sometime.

Well, those seem to be the options I have come up with.

Sonya Sotaymayor blues

At times, the sense of what a mess I have made of things becomes overwhelming. One of those times was this morning reading (well, listening to on my kindle) to a essay describing the life of a famous public figure. The piece described the person's humble origins, her early success at school, further development at college and professional school and steady rise through a series of professional assignments that led to her current position of power and honor. I am not even sure where to begin to explain the feelings that brought up. It is seeing a life that has proceeded along a steady line, achieving success at each stage and, more importantly with each stage building upon the other. And the result is, the sense of accomplishment of a life's mission. My life has gone in the exact opposite direction. I never achieved much success in my chosen profession and now, cut off from that, there is going to be no long, glorious march.

Another result of this long, steady march to success in a profession is that one develops an interlocking series of acquaintances who can speak your praises, or at least provide recommendations. For a while in my career I was tapped into things. I knew most of the people in the ancient philosophy community and could count on recommendations for a few fellowships and grants. I doubt I could even get anyone to write me a letter of recommendation for a janitor's position right now.

It's a sense of having stepped off the path and being alone and lost. And paralyzed, not knowing what the next move should be. This is not the time to wallow in self-pity, though, and I don't want to sign out tonight on a total negative note. Every one's path is different and not all missions look the same. Emerson somewhere says something about the voyage of a great ship being a series of zig zags and not a straight line. His own life certainly got off the rails with the death of his first wife, throwing everything overboard and heading over for Europe with no idea what would be next for him. Granted, he was a much younger man when all that happened than I am right now, and this is not an insubstantial difference. Nietzsche gives up his university career and spends the rest of his life wandering around Europe. Interesting that these two examples came to mind. They certainly share a similarity: giving everything up, and then what? Well, if I wanted certainty and solidity, I should have stayed where I was. (The Nietzschean idea of amor fati or loving your fate certainly seems relevant here.)

Eat, Pray Love

I may be the only person in the world--well, the only traveller--who hasn't read Eat, Pray, Love. But I did listen to an interview with the author this morning. Part of the reason I have never read it (and at this stage will not read it) was that the concept behind her book was always something I had planned on doing, a sort of travelogue in search of wisdom. In a note on projects I wanted to undertake written more than fifteen years ago I wrote: "A Year in the World in Search of Wisdom" In fact, that is precisely what the plan is for the next year, and so I specifically didn't want to read it in order not to be influenced. But right now, the artifice of the whole thing has me turned off to the project. First, when I compare our titles, I am struck by, well, how artificial/intellectual/unappealing/clunky my own title is: A Wisdom for All Seasons: A Year in Search of Enlightenment. God, "Eat, Pray, Love" is so much more concrete, grounded, real. Mine, too ethereal, disconnected. Like myself. On the other hand (thank God this has finally sunk in from China), mine can be seen as a male version of this, and there is somethint to be said for putting out a male version of this. But despite throwing this bone to myself, my overall feeling about the project this morning is negative. I was going to say, I want to throw up, but we'll leave it at negative.

I also think, to start out with the idea of writing a book about becoming enlightened is presumptuous to say the least. I think the way that Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance evolved, which was originally going to be nothing more than an essay, is a more natural approach to take. So there is nothing really wrong with my plan. It's just that I shouldn't think anyone is going to be very interested in reading about the results. Which doesn't mean (a) I am not going to undertake it or (b) write about it. I have to do something, and it's as good a project as I can come up with. Still, I could walk away from it tomorrow

Identify that quote

"Time. What is time? Swiss manufacture it. French hoard it. Italians squander it. Americans say it is money. Hindus say it does not exist. Do you know what I say? I say time is a crook."

Quo Vadis?

So I usually spend an hour or two every morning studying Chinese, usually via Chinese Pod, and reading Chinese-related blogs, in part because I am keeping my own blog on China in anticipation of the book. This morning, I read a James Fallows article in the new edition of The Atlantic (on line). Fallows spent three years in Beijing. In the article he considers the issue of whether America is in decline. It's a great read, highly recommended. But I have other things on my mind. In particular, what to do next. I was contacted by the Peace Corps regarding the possibility of going to Indonesia in April or May for six or eight months (they tend to be rather vague). The one thing that would hold me back, and it is a rather big thing, is the promise to my editor that I would be around to promote the book in the fall. Since there is a possibility of the book coming out in January, the Peace Corps is still an option. But in truth, it is probably not much of an option, because the book really needs to come out sooner rather than later.





Getting exhausted trying to plan out a travel schedule for the rest of the year. I may have written it up elsewhere, but here is the latest incarnation (all dates are approximate, as is my sanity):

Jan 26: Tucson to Tokyo
Feb 3: Tokyo to Bangkok (Chiang Mai)
Feb 26: Bangkok to Chengdu
June 17: Beijing/Shanghai to SFO (SACP June 18-21)
June 21: SFO to Tucson
July 8: Tucson to Boston (for Thoreau conference July 8-11)
July 12: Boston to Rome
July 13: Rome to Athens (for philosophy conferency/research)
Sept 18: Athens to Rome
Sep 21: Rome to Boston
Sept 28: Boston to Tucson

The goal is to spend a semester studying in China, a couple of months in the summer in Greece, and then fall in Concord Massachusetts, primarily at the Thoreau Library. That is at least the goal of the book, which would include as well winter in India. Visiting each of the world's wisdom traditions during a season (counting Concord, Massachusetts as part of this lot). An ambitious plan, to say the least. (Yes, other words could be used to describe it as well).

Mad Magazine

I am sitting at a branch of the Tucson public library, moderately hung over from what has become my routine of a late night indulgence in the better part of a bottle of wine. In truth, it is the only time I can get any peace and quiet. God knows it's not to be found in the public library, or in the Barnes and Nobles or Starbucks I frequent. Anyway, it is Mad Magazine that has prompted this latest entry. I went to the library to get some serious work done. In preparation for the publication of my book, I am trying to establish a web presence. In addition to my China website (www.chinafromafar.com) I have decided to begin posting interviews on amazon.com. So having just finished Mark Leonard's "What China Thinks," I was planning on writing up a review and publishing it at amazon, referenciny my website and maybe even getting noticed by the author. That was the plan this morning. But then I came across Mad Magazine on the shelfs. And that pretty much sunk my productive mode. Anyway, it got me thinking that a radical change is called for, or at least a different direction on a variety of fronts. I had this same feeling running in the desert the other day. There was the same music on my ipod, I was thinking, and it is just time to clear the decks there and start anew. So with Mad Magazine, I think the idea was tha a new intellectual direction is called for (recall the earlier talk of a true sabbatical) and one way to lay the groundwork for that new direction is by goofing off, or at least taking time off from any intellectual pursuits

New Year Resolutions?

I am not sure why, but for some reason I feel the need to have some New Year's resolutions. In general, I know I need to get better at long term planning. Unfortunately, right now my life is not really set up for that. So I try to think of some things I can accomplish regardless of my travel schedule.

1.I am trying to stay away from the political fray, which means no more cable political shows (Countdown, Rachel Maddow, etc) and no more political websites (Politico, Huffington Post). Just say no.

2.I think because my diet has been so out of control here, and in some ways necessarily so because I am not doing the cooking, I have at least vowed to keep a food journal.

3.I want to over time work my way through the four classic Chinese novels. I read The Monkey King during my Peace Corps service, or at least most of it, since it is a four volume 1,600 page work. I have loaded on my Kindle "Dream of a Red Chamber," also known as "Story of the Stone." It is about as long as Monkey King. I want to finish it by the end of the year.

4. I would like to get back on a regular meditation schedule and meditate for at least twenty minutes every day, preferably in the morning

I would like to have a running plan for the year, but the schedule simply does not seem set up for this. Similarly two long term projects that seem continually to bog down are learning Chinese and studying classical guitar. I am sort of stuck at an intermediate level for both of these and haven't made much progress in a while. But in truth I don't see the situation in any of these improving much, with the possibility of Chinese if I go to Chinaa

Happy New Year

: The goal for the New Year is to write in this thing everyday because, well, I need a goal for the New Year and this at least seems like an attainable one. Actually, I need several goals for the New Year, or at least one grand, overarching one. But right now, this is all I can come up with. Actually it is already a few days late to even begin this project but, well, what are you going to do? I mean, I confront the New Year a completely blank slate: no idea what to do, what to write, where to live. Some might find this exhilarating; I find it exhausting. Plan A had been to be in the Peace Corps by now, and in someway that is still a possibility. That is, the Peace Corps is going to be sending people there sometime on the list and I have been cleared for this mission and am on the list of candidates. The one obstacle standing in the way is that I promised my editor I would be back in the fall when the book is released to do publicity, and I have every intention of keeping that vow. A small possibility exists that the book publication be put off until January, and then that would allow me the possibility of serving in Indonesia. But I am hesitant to request that and it is unlikely to happen if I do (and not guaranteed to happen if I do). Then there is the one year project---a wisdom for all seasons—to wander the globe for a year—primarily China, India and Greece—in search of how classic wisdom traditions are faring in everyday life. This strikes everyone I tell it to as an interesting project, and me too sometimes. At other times it seems overwhelming, expensive and exhausting. But it provides me with a plan and a focus—and that is not something to be lightly discounted. It would start in late February in China, and I would probably leave about a month before to visit friends in Japan and Thailand along the way. It would require me to be back in the States by mid-June for a conference in California and another one in mid-July in Concord, and then in Greece shortly thereafter for one or two conferences there before spending a month in Athens and then back to the States in mid-September for a fall in Concord Massachusetts, heading to a month long Buddhist retreat in Colorado in mid-December and to India for a couple of months once that is finished. I get exhausted just writing about it.

Quote of the Day

"I don't sleep. I hate those little snatches of death"--Paul Lulewicz

A True Sabbatical

I have been relatively inactive on the blog as of late. Part of this has to do with the holidays and part of this has to do with the fact that I have been facing a deadline for turning in the final manuscript of the "Socrates in Sichuan" book. Well, that deadline (Jan 1st) has just passed and I got the manuscript turned in, although I think if I had to read it one more time I would scream, or throw up. I still have a bit of work to do on a rather lengthy questioneer I need to complete in conjunction with the book. And I also should probably start work on the index. So it's not like my duties related to the book will cease as of today. But hopefully it will be less intense and I will be able to focus my energy on other things.

What those other things might be, I cannot say. I ran across a headline on the Starbucks website when I logged on the other day at the cafe. I didn't read the story but it was about some graphic artist who said he took every seventh year off. And for some reason that really hit a chord, the idea of just time off without any obligation that it amount to something. I am not sure what is next, but one thing I have been planning is a schedule of travel in conjunction with a book about wisdom in various parts of the world. But then I would have to be in China, India or Greece for a particular purpose, to find some relation between my stay there and the wisdom tradition of that culture. And that is a fundamentally different state of mind to be in than one where the mind can lie fallow and not have to focus on anything in particular. For some reason, perhaps because I feel I have been pretty heavily focused for as long as I can recall, the thought of a true sabbatical is very appealing.

New Yorker article

I highly recommend a story in the Dec 21st issue of The New Yorker, an article titled "The Monkey and The Fish: Can Greg Carr Save the African ecosystem?" It tells the story of Greg Carr, a guy who made a couple of hundred milllion dollars developing and marketing voice mail and Internet services and then about ten years ago, instead of continuing to make money or just quitting and goofing off, he decided to become a hand on philathropist and after a couple of abortive efforts ends up in Gorongosa National Park in Central Mozambique trying to save the park. What intrigues me is that is the fact that this guy can do anything he wants and is out there trying to do some good and actually living rather uncomfortably for a good part of the year in the process. But it is a sense of purpose that drives him. This is what we all need, regardless of our income levels, and I guess it is what I am still looking for. Here's the link

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/12/21/091221fa_fact_gourevitch